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Twas The Night Before Christmas - Sailor's Version

Twas the night before Christmas, I swung on the hook. 
Passed out on the settee, asleep with my book.
When up on the deck I heard footsteps and stuff: 
I’ve been boarded! I thought, and I tried to be tough. 
Then down the companionway hatch came a dude. 

He was dressed like a nut and I thought “I am screwed”!

But he laughed and he hummed and he surveyed my junk. 
So I figured he must be the resident drunk.
His eyes were lit up like a junkie on speed. 
But he gave me a whole bunch of stuff that I need. 
Like rum and cigars, new charts and a dinghy, 
And some kind of fancy electrical thingy.
I thought it was stolen but I wasn’t telling. 
I hoped he was giving and wasn’t just selling.
I poured him a grog which he downed with a wink. 
Then I poured one for me (I sure needed a drink).
Then he staggered above to the dark tropic night. 
As I peaked I beheld an incredible sight.
Eight tiny dolphins and a beautiful sleigh. 
And the dude hopped aboard and prepared to make way. 
The dolphins were ready to power the sled, 
But the guy raised a jenny and mains instead.
With a burp and a chuckle he gathered the breeze, 
And called to the dolphins now swimming with ease. 
“On Fatty and Foxy and old Barracuda! On Teva and Mountgay, Antigua, Barbuda! 
Or whatever your names you cute little fishes, 
Here’s to every last sailor, my best Christmas wishes.”
As he sailed away leaving a wobbly wake, 
I hoped he had not many stops left to make. 
He got close to shore and he soon was aground, 
But the dolphins proceeded to pull him around.
And I heard him exclaim as he sailed out of sight, 
“Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.”

--Author Unknown

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